Things that make you go hmm

Hey Readers,

**Disclaimer** Any of my parents reading this, do it at your own risk**

So I have been back on the dating scene for a little while now and I have been having a laugh with my friends about the weird and wonderful  things that I get up to and I swear I can’t make this up! So I thought that I should share my list of my top 10 favourite things that I get asked or told by guys.

Now for all of you who say that I am doing the “man bashing” thing I am not. It’s just my experiences.  I am sure there are plenty girls who say stupid shit all the time, myself included. But if I am trying to impress someone or trying to get them into bed, I probably wouldn’t say ANY of the following…

    1. “I don’t mind a bit of an older woman” I am 31 he is 30
    2. “Do you stroke your pussy?” meaning my cat Merlo
    3. “I don’t like baby talk but do you want to have snuggles?” SHOOT ME
    4. “Oh you don’t need to lose weight in your face” Thanks, I think
    5. “it’s not really cheating if I don’t get caught.. So what do you think?” I think no
    6. “How about you become my submissive and we try 50 shades?” How about I dominate you and put something in your ass?
    7. “Can my mate and I tag team you?” errrrmmmm no
    8. “Oh from Brisbane? Are you educated?” No I am nto edumacated…
    9. “Do you really need glasses to see?” You think I wear these for fun?
    10. “If I jizzed on your face would you like it?” If I hit you in the face with a bat, would you like it?


It must be some new breed stupid because the dude is baffled and wonders WHY I use sarcasm or give them a WTF look?… I am not sure what it is about me that gives the impression that I am a hoe or that I am just out for a shag but it doesn’t stop these guys from having a go and boy do they give me some doozies!  

Needless to say, this is probably a reason why I am still single. I don’t know why these guys think this funny or even sexy but it really doesn’t surprise me.  I mean who WOULDN’T want to throw their clothes onto the floor and get down and dirty after being told that their “face is pretty but not my style”? Can’t imagine why these guys can’t find a “good girl”…

Romance at its best!

Have a great weekend!

AL x

My Dry July



Hey Readers,

If you follow me on social media, you would see that I have been doing Dry July. I did it for a few reasons:

  1. For cancer research and I am so proud that I did this.
  2. My health- I feel great.
  3. To see if I can challenge myself

In the past I would say that I partied hard. Like many people in their 20’s, I was out a few nights a week running amuck. Now in my 30’s I moved to a new city, met new people, explored my new life and yes, had a few drinks.

Now that Dry July is now over I feel better in myself, even though I have had the worst flu of my life but in general I am happy. I will admit that it was hard but not as hard as everyone would think it was for me. Apparently from what people think, I am a functioning alcoholic. And I have had a mixed response and even a negative backlash from this.

For 31 days I have been bombarded with comments and questions about my drinking habits. And this has given people the right to tell what they thought of me.

Looking back on my past, yes I ran wild and I have done some silly things. I have cussed people out and like many people I was binging on the weekends. My worst was when I was living in Brisbane (28 to 29 years old) and I was very depressed. I would drink when I was stress or anxious and I would have HUGE triggers. BUT I would say something; I never got in trouble with the police or killed anyone, I maintained my job and manage to do heap of things with my life. When I was sad and alone I would turn to the bottle.

Guess what? That’s MY past; it’s not what I do now and I should have to explain my actions to anyone. The past 18 months have been huge for me and when I would have have been on the piss and wasted from the stress in the past, I was actually doing yoga and staying away from the booze. I had some scary health concerns and a lot of people don’t see that side of me. Doing this Dry July month I gave myself a break and did some good in the world. I have had comments and questions coming out because people think that they can just say their opinions because I am doing something for a good cause. At one stage it turned into a little attack month about “Amber’s life and drinking”

One moment in particular; I was told by someone close that when they looked at a picture of me saw that I was out or at dinner they would think “Oh Amber is in trouble again” and they were “Glad I was doing Dry July” because “I don’t need to drink to have fun” Funny enough, this person was a huge drinker back in the day and now they don’t drink any more they can look down on me.  And since when does going out for dinner get me in trouble?

I work really hard to be living in Melbourne (I have actually been questioned about my job) I have had two jobs at one stage and I have NEVER been fired for alcoholism or being hung-over at work. I work with alcoholics and I know the signs. When I go back home to Brisbane I am on holidays. I want to relax with a wine or I go out with my friends and like everyone in the world I put in on my Facey or Instagram. And this gives the impression that I am just a big boozer. Sad but true. Anyone been on holidays and want to let their hair down?

I didn’t realise that I have to justify myself to anyone on my social media. And I get really shitty with people who think they can have their say about my drinking, especially when they don’t see or speak to me every day or they drink themselves… Pot calling the kettle black??

31 days in fact isn’t a long time, but when you have the pressure of everyone around you and have them watch every move I made, quite stressful to say the least. I am now guilt ridden if I have a drink, even if I think about it I feel bad about myself. I think that’s really unfair because I shouldn’t be judged if I want to have a cocktail on my birthday. I have had 7 beers in my fridge for over a month and I haven’t touched them, and I have had the odd craving for a wine after work but settled for a tea. I am saddened by the few people who had made it really hard for me, when all I was trying to do was something positive.

For those who feel the need to ask me questions or comment about my drinking, here are some of my responses.

  • I feel good apart from the flu,, except for my sugar cravings because I am eating chocolate cookies.
  • Yes my skin looks better and I am sleeping better.
  • No I don’t feel like an alcoholic because I wasn’t an alcoholic when I started and I didn’t drink every day because I work, drive my car and have responsibilities.
  • When I decide to drink again I will do it. I am 31 and if I want do something then I will. HAVE YOU STOPPED DRNKING?
  • No I didn’t stay up last night and drink at 12:00am because I have to be at work at 8:30am.
  • My actual last drink was the 25th June, so I did longer than a month.
  • Shut up!

Overall the Dry July was really good for me; I learnt a lot about myself and I feel so proud because I did a really good thing for charity. I am really disappointed about the people who said things like “Oh I won’t give you money until the end so I know you did it” or my favourite “You don’t get the money so you can spend it on booze do you?” It’s for cancer research and what kind of low life do you think I am? Guess what? They didn’t pay up!

I am really proud of what money I raised and I really thank the people who were so lovely and supportive of me. Thank you so much. I am glad I have people around me who believe in me and don’t just donate to charity and have some snippy little comment about me cheating. So thank you, I really appreciate it.

And for those who owe me donations

Take care

AL x










The returned….

Hey readers, 
My story starts on Saturday morning at about 8am. I am tired from working my second job and finishing late, I wake to find that I had a missed call (6:35am) from a number that wasn’t in my phone. I have a think and I am cloudy so I get up, make my coffee and pop the heating on because it’s freezing. I go back to my phone and check out the number again. “Who would be calling at this time?” I think to myself and I’m not exactly impressed, instant pissed…

I go over who it could be and suspiciously I think of the reasons why I don’t have this number (we have all been here at some stage)   

a) I have deleted it because it was someone I couldn’t remember or someone I don’t want to remember?

b) An actual miss dial from some random?

c) One of my friends is pranking me?

d) I have given this number out and I can’t remember who to?

Now when you think of a missed call at this hour of the morning there is only ONE thing that comes to mind. BOOTY CALL!

It’s just like the unwanted D pic… no chick wants it unless it’s asked for… even then there are proper protocols. Like make it pretty, make it straight, ask the chick..Anyways moving on.

Lucky my phone wasn’t on loud because if this person had woken me up, the Wrath of Amber is not very pleasant at this time of morning. It’s almost as bad as putting sugar in my coffee.

I text to find out who it is, I get no reply at all.  I give some leeway with this because the person who had called had obviously been on the booze and they aren’t awake yet. And I’m secretly hoping they are dying from their hangover.

So I do what comes naturally to me… I stalk the internet and find out who this mofo is. Ah yes… good old Facebook has yet again come up with the goods. I seriously should work for some government department because I find out EVERYTHING! 

I see who it is and I just CBF’d, a person who I haven’t spoken to in well over a year has called me for god knows what. I think it’s weird shrug it off and I tell my friends and you can only imagine what they had to say and it wasn’t “oh how nice” it was more of the W.T.F? type of conversation.

Fast forward to Sunday morning and I am sitting having breakfast at my friend’s house, chatting away about work etc. when another number that I don’t know comes through on my mobile saying “hey stranger, I am back in Melbourne”

I tell my friend about the morning before and we laugh and she tells me to find out who it is. 

So I politely and nervously reply with a text stating that I don’t know who it is.. then BOOM!

Its D.Draper… asking if I wanted to go around to “watch footy”? is the universe playing some weird joke on me this weekend? Again I cannot go there because we all remember last time. I tell him I know what that means and I shake my head and laugh.

I’m not sure what screams “Welcome Back I want to have sex with you” after not talking for a long period time and I don’t really care about how it’s received because they are going to get a response telling them to sod off.

Please guys, do me a favour if you go away..  STAY away…

 Until next time …

AL x 

Questions Answered.

Hey Readers,

There has been a question floating around for a while now and I have been requested to give my opinion, so here goes.

Why is it that a guy can ask to hang out BUT when a chick does it she comes across needy and too “full on”?

That’s a very good question. Why is that?

I have had numerous conversations about this topic with both sexes and both agree that there is a double standard. And yes it may come across a tiny bit man bashing but hey, you have to admit that its bullshit.  I think that Nicole Arbour had it right in that “Why dating is Fu*ked!!” video. (Yes I know the backlash for agreeing with ONE of her videos, but I don’t give a hoot. If the woman makes a valid point about dating then I am going to agree)

Dating has completely changed over the years because of the internet, social media and since apparently dudes call the shots. What happened to liking a chick with confidence? I ask a few fella’s about confidence in a women and they say “oh yeah I love that” but in the end they don’t, they will literally ghost you if you show ANY kind of interest or forwardness.

Why can a guy not text back and think that’s cool BUT if a chick does that then she is a cold bitch…? Something doesn’t seem to be right here. Everyone talks about how they hate playing “the game” but if you don’t then you get screwed in the end anyway!

I would really like to know why a guy would think that I am “too into him” if I ask him to hang or invite him somewhere?

I have experienced something similar in the past when I have literally had no desire but to hang out because I am able to do that and just that. Only to be told that I came across too full on and that he didn’t want to sleep with me.

Umm WTF? Insulted? Why yes I was.

  1. Because I didn’t ask to have sex. I don’t know how you confuse hanging with sex?
  2. What makes you think that I even wanted that from you? Bitch please…
  3. Maybe you can go F*** yourself?

What? … Does that automatically mean I want to jump his bones and have him be my baby daddy?

I just happen to be (without tooting my own horn here) a chick that just wants to hang out and who will want to engage in conversation. I am also a good hostess when you are in my home. My friends know that when they come over I will feed them, usually hand them a beverage and also offer slippers or trackies.

Since when has it become too much to talk to someone? If you want to talk to someone then call or text… this does NOT mean that they are about to stalk the shit out of you!

I think someone needs to rewrite the rules. And no more of this “oh wait 1 hour before responding” We aren’t in high school! Write the damn text! But if you ask me something and then you don’t respond then I WILL get crazy lady mad… its bad manners. We all have our phones strapped to our hands, there isn’t an excuse not respond.

But again… this is just MY opinion and really, I just waffle on.

Until next time.

AL x






Blast from the past out of nowhere

Hey Readers,

This Saturday I was woken up early by my over enthusiastic kitten and I start my usual Saturday morning routine. I had my coffee, chat to my friends and then popped into the shower with my music on.

I am pumped. I am ready to take on the weekend!

So I am washing my hair I can hear my mobile going off with all its crazy tones and I thought that it was unusual for a Saturday morning but you can’t stop progress.

I jump out of the shower and I am still dancing around to Beyoncé, I grab my mobile and what was presented to me on my cracked screen was pretty interesting.


I got my first troll and I was shamed for being single and for trying to sleep with someone’s boyfriend. Ummm WTF?

This isn’t a space for calling people out but when someone attacks me and tells me that this is WHY I am single, I am going to get a bit lippy.

Shaming me and trying to make me feel bad about myself just shows the insecurities that other people have. I didn’t think that people in their thirties did that?

The worst part about all of this is that this is a chick that I know. As females shouldn’t we be building each other up and empowering each other? What the hell happened to “Girl Power”? The Spice Girls would be so disappointed.

Yes I am single, so what? It doesn’t mean that I have a contagious disease and now that you have a partner, that you all of a sudden have the right to attack me.

Hey I don’t take a lot of things personally but this really annoyed me because I don’t do this blog to man bash or get nasty about anyone.

It’s just writing about the weird and awkward things that happen in my life.

I might not be the best writer and my grammar may not be a total winner but at least I try. I try and bring laugher to different situations because we have ALL been there.

We have all had bad dating experiences and have found ourselves in odd situations. I just choose to write about it.

To deliberately take a cheap shot like that is nasty and uncalled for. Especially when you have only just recently gotten married and feel that you can judge me because I am single. It wasn’t too long ago that YOU were in my position.

People in glass houses…?

When you troll someone on social media, it’s not something that just gets deleted as soon as you take it down, it’s there forever.  I find it silly because not only is your name on the profile but even when you delete it, people are still seeing it. I had some people take screenshots and sent them to me via private message.

I am just trying to do my own thing and for someone who has just been out of my life for years, I was taken back because I didn’t think that this person would do that. If there was an ongoing argument then I would understand but this was just out of the blue. I am not going to name the person but I still wish for nothing but the best.

This is the ONLY time that I will address this kind of behaviour in a serious manner. It’s because it’s childish and I don’t look like the ridiculous one here.

Don’t be as asshole and hate on someone’s efforts, if you’re miserable then be miserable somewhere else. Don’t impose it on other people’s lives because you feel like it. I am here for laughs and being positive. So take the baditude somewhere else.

But like I have said before… if you aren’t getting haters then you aren’t doing social media properly.

Have a good week peeps!

AL x


Shit is getting real!

Hey Readers,

So it looks like I am in need of a social media facelift. I am not the most tech-savvy person, and if you remember me trying to get this set up the first time you know that its going to take me AGES to sort this one out. I am in the middle of trying to figure out how to get everything into one space.

Thanks for the BIG support

I am now on Instagram @accordingtoamberlouise and I have a

According to AmberLouise Facebook page.

Don’t forget to share the love! and send me messages

Catch you on the flip flop


The big questions…

Hey Readers,

If you follow me on Instagram (@ambs_e) or Facebook (Ambs Evans) you would have seen that I posted the question:

Would you rather be ghosted or sent a break up text?”

Now from the HUGE response I got, the answer was quite clear. Most if not all the people who responded would prefer to have the break up text. Thank you to those who answered; special mention to the one person who wanted a song and dance. Turns out that people are too scared to even send a text!

I was reading an article not long ago about the subject and it stated that ghosting is now considered the worst way to break up with someone.  It doesn’t close the relationship off and it can cause more harm than good. This is because it can bring up the same type grieving as when someone dies. Nice hu?

I remember when texting was considered rude… but now people literally disappear.

Now I have had this happen to me quite recently. We go out, we talk about how we would prefer to be honest and just say it rather than just go M.I.A. because how bad is it when someone does that? 


And let me just add… plans were made for the following few days, compliments were thrown around, good morning messages were sent and being told how much this person liked me. Shoot me for being wrong but it kind of gave me the impression that it was going pretty well. Nope, screw you Amber because it turns out that when someone says that they are a communicator, it now means that the way they communicate is by NOT communicating… anyone else giving the WTF look right now?

PLUS I feel like the creepy stalker chick who just doesn’t get it.. get what? oh yeah NOTHING! because ignoring me is the best possible way to go.. who taught these guys? because I am pretty sure if this happened to their sister, daughter or mother then they would have something to say about it… P.S I have four brothers and four sisters.

Apparently I don’t even need to have an explanation I just get messages read (because people are idiots and I can see when messages are read) then Boom! Nothing, Zilch…

Girlfriend you have been ghosted.


Dating is a pretty hard game to play and I have had my share of stories but when someone doesn’t even have the respect or the balls enough to say “Hey Amber, nice to meet you but I don’t think this will work or I have met someone else”

This can make you feel like you aren’t even worth the words, well that’s because to them, you aren’t.. Someone like that is super special; doesn’t it make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Imagine if this had happened 6 months later? Bitch please..

Call it insane but I like to think that if you are seeing or dating someone…talking to them everyday and all of a sudden every type of communication stops then something bad has happened… and as I am pretty onto it no doubt the shitter has taken a one way ticket to the magical land of the missing people.

So my message to someone who is about to end a relationship in hopes that the person in question might just “get the hint” grow up.

In the words of Ms Carrie Bradshaw “Sex and the City” (who got broken up with on a post-it which is pretty crap but at least she got a some kind of break up note, not just the old scoop and loop disappearing act)

 “You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman to her face that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy, but I think you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation because here’s what… avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy

Amen sister,

Thanks for the support and love.

AL x